Ok, that's not quite what I meant. (I told ya'll my thoughts were still being organized.) I pull away when people start new relationships to give the couple space. (And, like I said, "mush" annoys me.) I don't stop inviting them to things or whatever. If they call to chat, I'll chat for as long as they want. I'm careful to wait and see how much space each couple wants/needs.
And, before ya'll start getting defensive, to assume that a couple will get "wrapped up in each other" isn't exactly an idea that has been disproven. A lot of couples (dare I say most) go through the "I'm not happy unless I'm with him/her" phase. That's not fun to be around. I'm not saying that ya'll are going to go do that. I'm hoping that you don't. But if you do, I prefer not to be the tag along, 3rd wheel of the party.
You guys can't tell me that you've never had a set of friends fall off the face of the earth because they started dating. I know you have. Either that or I'm the only one with these kinds of people for friends. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl all but disappear. You guys can't get mad at me for assuming this. You've had it happen to you. Maybe you've even done it in the past. And I've done the whole swearing up and down that I'll never do it and make my friends promise not to let me. I've also had friends who asked me to do the same for them and then when they start dating, what do they do? "I'm not spending all my time with him/her." "I don't get to see him/her very much." "I still see you." "I know I said that but things are different now." Yeah, I've had these conversations one too many times for me not to be a bit suspicious when people start telling me this.
But please, prove me wrong. I'd be more than happy to be wrong on this. I promise not to ostracize you if you promise not to fall off the face of the planet. Deal? :-)
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
i love "that's not what i meant" posts.
LOL!!!
I think you're right. Does that help? I've been ditched PLENTY of times for boyfriends. A couple of friendships have been completely DESTROYED because a girlfriend of mine started seeing someone.
And you're right to give couples space, I think, too. I suppose that... I always expect a new couple to spend at least a few months finding their footing... figuring out how this person fits into their lives, and in a sense... altering their schedules. I try to give people some time to find a balance between their friends and their new relationship before I start getting on their case for never seeing their friends. I'd hope for the same from my friends.
And yes, there is that "I want to spend all my time with him/her and get to know him/her". Beginning a new relationship is a lot of work. It's good to give people space for that.
But frankly... if they completely disappear off the face of the planet and don't resurface until/if they break up... I dunno, personally I wouldn't consider them a very good friend anymore.
I suppose my personal hope is that people will hold me accountable. It's not that I don't want to "be one of those girls". It's not even, really, that I don't want to "hurt my friends". I think it's more that... well, my single friends, particularly my single girlfriends, are also something like a ministry for me. A beloved ministry. A lot of people that I want to reach out to who bless my socks off. I still wanna be there. I still wanna love on those people. I still wanna build into their lives and have them build into mine. I still wanna care and I still wanna always be there for them. And I guess I think, that if I'm in a GOOD relationship, then it won't take AWAY from that... but it will give TO that. You know? I mean, there's that awkward "finding footing" phase of any new relationship. But in the end... if that footing's not sturdy, if that person is doing mor harm than good for your other relationships... I don't think that's a good sign at all.
~Crystal
Post a Comment