But I think I might be.
Last night we went clubbing for Ro's bachelorette party. (After thoroughly embarressing her with gifts, of course. ;-) ) The group consisted of Ro, Sally, Sheryl, Marcia, Dee, Shawna, Jenn and me. Crystal had been at Marcia's house with us up until we left for the club.
First of all, it was *hot*. I didn't want anyone touching me. I didn't even want myself touching me. And that was just standing outside. We got inside and Sheryl and I herded everyone downstairs to where the dance floor was. We decided to get drinks first and then dance so we went to the bar. That turned into more of a hassle than it was really worth. I don't know how long we stood there waiting for someone to even look at us. During this time, I had the time to decide that I would never want to be a bar tender. Too crazy, too loud, too stressful.
We *finally* got our drinks and then I decided to fight my way to the bathroom on the other side of the room. Made it there in one piece, stood in line, used the scary bathroom, then fought my way back to the girls. We downed our shot glasses worth of drinks and headed for the already insanely crowded dance floor. Making space for 8 more people proved to be interesting but we managed to get everyone into a circle of sorts.
We were dancing and just being silly and having fun. Some random chick came over and was dancing between Dee and me for a minute. We couldn't tell if she was just looking for a group to join or if she lost her group or was trying to duck a guy or what. She eventually moved on and that's when *they* started coming over.
Men. :-P
Dee and Shawna got tagged pretty quickly. We had random people congratulating Ro since she had on a pretty little veil and a few guys tried dancing with her. We had one guy who just seemed to be making his way around our circle. He started with either Shawna or Dee. A little while later he got to Jenn and Dee leaned over to me and said "It's her turn!" Jenn just gave us this "Whatever!" look. My first guy who tried dancing with me was drunk beyond belief. We were dancing face to face and he kept moving weird and not sticking with a rhythm. I finally caught what he was saying which was "Give me a kiss". I just shook my head and he kept persisting and I'd say nope, ready to knock him across the floor if he seriously tried anything. Apparently everyone was keeping an eye on me and were trying to decide if I was ok or if I needed rescued. Sally finally decided enough was enough when he started messing with my shirt (at which point I'd decided if I felt skin on skin, he was getting a knee somewhere) and pushed the guy away from me while Ro grabbed my hand and pulled me into the center of the circle. Sally was ready to lay the smack down too. She told the dude's friend to keep him away. Yay pseudo-moms! :-D I was fine but I wasn't exactly gonna be mad over being rescued.
We kept dancing and random guys would come up and dance with us. The next guy I danced with I never even saw his face. Which, oddly enough, I was much better with. Him behind me with a hand on my thigh is better than in my face trying to make out with me. At some point we saw the first guy with some other girl, making out and I said, "See? He found someone." I got pulled into the middle of the group again to get me away from the second guy. That was our little safety net for the night. Someone needed rescued, we pulled them into the circle.
We left the dance floor to go stand by the huge fan and cool off a bit. We were all pouring sweat. Real cute. After we cooled off a bit, we went back out and fought to form our cirlce again. I think this is when contestant #3 came up from behind. Never saw his face either. We eventually made our way over to the mirrors on the back of the dance floor. We had more room and we could lean up against the mirrors because they were cool. Yet another guy came over and tried to dance with me but I got pulled over to Ro real quick. Then two gay guys came over and were talking to Ro and congratulating her. The one kissed her hand, then had her point all us girls out and kissed our hands. At this point I hadn't realized they were gay so after they moved on, I jumped in front of her to block her from unwanted attention. After a bit, the dude that had been making his way around our circle found me and was "dancing" with me. He was worse than the first guy because he wasn't following the rhythm at all. I knew exactly what he was doing, especially when he kept trying to hike my skirt higher and his hand kept moving inward. I decided I'd had enough of him about the time we were going to leave so I broke away and we started making our way through the crowd. The guy that Dee had been dancing with most of the time would *not* let her go until she gave him a number. Jenn had to get between them and try to get her away from him. There's persistent and then there's just stalkerish.
So that was my first real clubbing experience. I've been to clubs but I've never had random guys coming up and trying to kiss me and dance with me. I said to Sally and Sheryl on our way back to Marcia's "Swing dancing that is not." Sure, there's creepy guys at swing dance too but they can't be all rubbing and grinding up against you. I just found myself looking at it all and thinking that it's really sad that a lot of those people live for this. Dancing and drinking and hooking up with random strangers. Especially when I think of what we were created for. There's so much more to life than those things. Life could be so much better. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against clubbing. I think it's kinda fun every once in awhile. (Even if when I'm there I do think "I'm a grown-ass woman. I don't need to feel the bass from the music in my chest.") But it's no way to live your life. So maybe I'm not too old to club. Not just yet. :-)
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
I Know
I know that there are things so much worse than this. I've lived through some of them. I know that it's not really your fault. It's not really my fault either. I know all this.
But somehow, that doesn't make it hurt any less.
It doesn't make the tears go away.
Almost. But not.
There have been a lot of "almosts". And that's what hurts.
But somehow, that doesn't make it hurt any less.
It doesn't make the tears go away.
Almost. But not.
There have been a lot of "almosts". And that's what hurts.
First Time Mom
Went back to work this week. Reegan was in a *horrible* mood Tuesday and Wednesday and then in a *great* mood today. She was cracking me up today being completely silly.
I'm trying to work on patience with her. (And myself, Rich! lol.) We were in the car Tuesday morning and I had a realization. I've become a "first time mom". Not literally. But some of the things that I have laughed at first time moms for, I find myself doing with Reegan. And the sad part is, it's played into her lack of patience for anything. We were in the car and she dropped something and couldn't get it fast enough so she started fussing. This led to me freaking out and trying to get to it without crashing the car. I couldn't get to it and suddenly I shook myself. What the heck am I doing? So she dropped something and now she's upset. A: she shouldn't be freaking out and B: neither should you. It wasn't even on the floor. It was just down in her seat and she was having trouble getting to it. About 30 seconds later, she managed to get it back out. I said (to both of us) "Now was that really worth all that drama?"
The only reason she was mad was because she couldn't get ahold of it 2 seconds after she decided she wanted it. It was then and there that I decided we both needed to work on patience. Because her lack of patience leads to her whining and her whining leads to me having less patience with her. So instead of just jumping to do whatever it is I think she wants, we're going to work on her being patient. (Which will require my patience.) Like today I started clearing her food away because she had said done and then she started fussing. So I stopped her and I said, "Reegan, no whining. Use your words to tell me what you want." And she did. Jamie always tells the kids to "use their words" and even though she's young, I think I'm going to start saying that when she starts whining or fussing. It will be good training for her and a good reminder for me.
Because the real word isn't going to jump up and do what we want when we want it just because we throw a fit. And even though she's young, behavior patterns like this are instilled early on. It's human nature to think that the world revolves around us and it's only strengthened when the people around us act like it's true. (For most people, that stops about the time mom and dad have baby #2.) So if you think of it, pray for me and Reegan. I don't really know what her parents do help or discourage this behavior but she and I have fallen into a bad habit that will probably be a little hard to break. Learning patience isn't an easy thing but it's a necessary thing.
I'm trying to work on patience with her. (And myself, Rich! lol.) We were in the car Tuesday morning and I had a realization. I've become a "first time mom". Not literally. But some of the things that I have laughed at first time moms for, I find myself doing with Reegan. And the sad part is, it's played into her lack of patience for anything. We were in the car and she dropped something and couldn't get it fast enough so she started fussing. This led to me freaking out and trying to get to it without crashing the car. I couldn't get to it and suddenly I shook myself. What the heck am I doing? So she dropped something and now she's upset. A: she shouldn't be freaking out and B: neither should you. It wasn't even on the floor. It was just down in her seat and she was having trouble getting to it. About 30 seconds later, she managed to get it back out. I said (to both of us) "Now was that really worth all that drama?"
The only reason she was mad was because she couldn't get ahold of it 2 seconds after she decided she wanted it. It was then and there that I decided we both needed to work on patience. Because her lack of patience leads to her whining and her whining leads to me having less patience with her. So instead of just jumping to do whatever it is I think she wants, we're going to work on her being patient. (Which will require my patience.) Like today I started clearing her food away because she had said done and then she started fussing. So I stopped her and I said, "Reegan, no whining. Use your words to tell me what you want." And she did. Jamie always tells the kids to "use their words" and even though she's young, I think I'm going to start saying that when she starts whining or fussing. It will be good training for her and a good reminder for me.
Because the real word isn't going to jump up and do what we want when we want it just because we throw a fit. And even though she's young, behavior patterns like this are instilled early on. It's human nature to think that the world revolves around us and it's only strengthened when the people around us act like it's true. (For most people, that stops about the time mom and dad have baby #2.) So if you think of it, pray for me and Reegan. I don't really know what her parents do help or discourage this behavior but she and I have fallen into a bad habit that will probably be a little hard to break. Learning patience isn't an easy thing but it's a necessary thing.
Please Forgive Me
For every time I've been unfaithful
For every time I've been untrue
For every time I've been ungrateful
For all You've done and all You do
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
For when my pride has been unbroken
For when my soul has been unmoved
For all the praise I left unspoken
When I owe everything to you
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
There is a fountain filled with blood
Where Your forgiveness ever flows
Come wash me in the healing flood
And I'll be white as snow
(Repeat)
For when my heart has been unyielding
When my devotion went unproved
For all the days I've been unwilling
To take my cross and follow You
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
There is a fountain filled with blood
Where Your forgiveness ever flows
Come wash me in the healing flood
And I'll be white as snow
(Repeat 2X)
For every time I've been unfaithful
For every time I've been untrue
For every time I've been ungrateful
For all You've done and all You do
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please
For every time I've been untrue
For every time I've been ungrateful
For all You've done and all You do
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
For when my pride has been unbroken
For when my soul has been unmoved
For all the praise I left unspoken
When I owe everything to you
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
There is a fountain filled with blood
Where Your forgiveness ever flows
Come wash me in the healing flood
And I'll be white as snow
(Repeat)
For when my heart has been unyielding
When my devotion went unproved
For all the days I've been unwilling
To take my cross and follow You
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
There is a fountain filled with blood
Where Your forgiveness ever flows
Come wash me in the healing flood
And I'll be white as snow
(Repeat 2X)
For every time I've been unfaithful
For every time I've been untrue
For every time I've been ungrateful
For all You've done and all You do
Please forgive me
Please forgive me
Please
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I Won't Say
If there's a prize for rotten judgment
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history--been there, done that!
(Who d'ya think you're kiddin'?
He's the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinkin' of)
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
(You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it, uh-oh)
It's too cliché
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming, get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
(You keep on denyin'
Who you are and how you're feelin'
Baby, we're not buyin'
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceilin'
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That you got, got, got it bad?)
Whoa
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
(Give up, give in
Check the grin--you're in love)
This scene won't play
I won't say I'm in love
(You're doin' flips
Read our lips: you're in love)
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
(Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love)
Oh
At least out loud
I won't say I'm in love
***************
Oh Annie...... ;-) There's one for the memory book.
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That's ancient history--been there, done that!
(Who d'ya think you're kiddin'?
He's the earth and heaven to you
Try to keep it hidden
Honey, we can see right through you
Girl, ya can't conceal it
We know how ya feel and
Who you're thinkin' of)
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
(You swoon, you sigh
Why deny it, uh-oh)
It's too cliché
I won't say I'm in love
I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming, get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out
Oh
(You keep on denyin'
Who you are and how you're feelin'
Baby, we're not buyin'
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceilin'
Face it like a grown-up
When ya gonna own up
That you got, got, got it bad?)
Whoa
No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no
(Give up, give in
Check the grin--you're in love)
This scene won't play
I won't say I'm in love
(You're doin' flips
Read our lips: you're in love)
You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it
(Girl, don't be proud
It's O.K. you're in love)
Oh
At least out loud
I won't say I'm in love
***************
Oh Annie...... ;-) There's one for the memory book.
Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Patience
Patience is stable enduring love. Time cannot stop it – it is willing to wait! Difficulties cannot thwart it – it is willing to suffer. Patient love persistently waits for another, putting up with them in hope of their future good. Patient love continues to believe that no one is beyond redemption.
Will someone please explain to me why this about made me cry? Darn you Rich! :-)
Will someone please explain to me why this about made me cry? Darn you Rich! :-)
Sunday, July 23, 2006
How I Spent A Day Staring at a Lightening Bug's Butt
This past week was VBS at CPC. (Yeah yeah, I know. Can I buy a vowel?) I love VBS week. It's my week to totally act like a kid and not get into trouble for it. I can dance around like crazy, act like a fool in drama, sing goofy kid songs with motions and play water games for rec. It's a total blast. Plus I get to hang out with Kels. It's about the only week we really get to see each other anymore. :-)
This year's theme was SonTreasure Island so everything was Caribbean themed. (I was so sick of seeing lei's that by Friday when Sheryl put one on me I almost had a conniption. ;-) ) Kels and I did drama, as usual, with Kate and Jared (I'm not even going to try to spell their last name) and Shelly. It was hysterical. Jared was the pirate captain and he looked exactly like Jack Sparrow. It was *awesome*. Kate was our "bad guy" again. She does a great job with it. Shelly was our Storyteller, meaning she's the only one who had a valid reason for using her script. The rest of us were cheating. Kels played Kiwi, the goofy first mate of the Captain, and I was Coco Banana, the "ambitious snack shop owner". (How you can be ambitious when you own a snack shop on an island and you only see the same 3 people every day, I have no idea.) The first day went pretty well as far as lines being memorized and said in order and by the people who were supposed to say them. It was all down hill from there. By Thursday and Friday, we were completely ad libbing. On Thursday we got completely thrown off because when Jared and Kels walked onto the stage, they knocked one of our precariously perched "palm trees" over. The kids all died laughing (and so did we even tho we were trying to hide it. Jared's yelling "Shiver me timbers!" didn't help.) It completely threw us though and we never really got back on track. We got the main gist of things and made the point of that day's skit but we ended up with Jared and Kate's characters having an Uncle Bernadine. (Don't ask.) Also, I was supposed to have an accent. Tuesday I completely forgot about it b/c we were running so late and were stressed. We got out of the bathroom from changing and I was like "Oh crap, I forgot to do an accent!" Then on Friday I was about halfway thru my first line when I realized I wasn't talking with an accent again and finished my line with the accent. I definitely got some laughs for that one. :-D Apparently we're funnier when we don't follow the corny scripts that the VBS people send us so Kels and I were talking about giving ourselves some general guidelines and just improv-ing our skits next year.
Music was interesting this year. A little bit of drama there, which I hadn't really dealt with in VBS until now. People had been stressed in past years but this was a whole new kinda crazy. Oh well. We got through it and I think the kids had fun, which is what counts.
Every year it's been tradition for two of us to go around on Thursday as Cubby Bear and Sparky the Lightening Bug (from the Awana stuff) and promote that. This year Kels was Sparky and I was Cubby. In the past, someone else was Cubby and I led the two around since it's very difficult to see in those costumes. They involve large heads with mesh over the opening in the mouth to see out of. Kels had a little more visibility in Sparky then I did in Cubby so I mostly followed her around and told her not to let me run into anything or anyone. Because of the angle that Cubby's head was sitting on me, I spent most of the morning staring at Sparky's butt. (Hence my blog title.) It was *hot* in those costumes, let me tell you. I don't know how the people at Disney World do it. We couldn't take our heads off in front of the kids (talk about traumatizing) so that made things interesting. We'd pull our heads up to get a drink or to cool off but the second we thought a kid was coming, back down they came. We had to stay in our costumes for the closing ceremony when we had the staff memebers up on stage dancing with us. I was sooooo scared I was gonna fall off that stage.
We played water games with Jack almost every day for upper elementary recreation. One day we ended up having a food fight. And by we I mean the mature adults of the group. :-D The kids all walked outside to see us smearing cake all over each other. We also made it a point to dump buckets of water all over each other every day and turned the hose on one another. We even made a group effort to get Joy wet on Friday b/c she had managed to stay dry the entire morning. Jack had even chased her around the parking lot with a bucket of water. We ended up having to grab her and hold her while Jack dumped the water on all of us. (But Shelly, Kels and I were already wet so we didn't care.)
We had over 1000 kids during the week. That is a *lot* of small children running around. My little sis even came and loved watching me up there singing and dancing. She and Emma found out the truth about Cubby and Sparky but they're sworn to secrecy. :-)
"It's a big, big house with lots and lots of room. With a big, big table with lots and lots of food. And a big, big yard where we can play football (touchdown!). It's a big, big house. It's my Father's house." :-D
Be-dee-be-dee-be-dee....that's all folks!
This year's theme was SonTreasure Island so everything was Caribbean themed. (I was so sick of seeing lei's that by Friday when Sheryl put one on me I almost had a conniption. ;-) ) Kels and I did drama, as usual, with Kate and Jared (I'm not even going to try to spell their last name) and Shelly. It was hysterical. Jared was the pirate captain and he looked exactly like Jack Sparrow. It was *awesome*. Kate was our "bad guy" again. She does a great job with it. Shelly was our Storyteller, meaning she's the only one who had a valid reason for using her script. The rest of us were cheating. Kels played Kiwi, the goofy first mate of the Captain, and I was Coco Banana, the "ambitious snack shop owner". (How you can be ambitious when you own a snack shop on an island and you only see the same 3 people every day, I have no idea.) The first day went pretty well as far as lines being memorized and said in order and by the people who were supposed to say them. It was all down hill from there. By Thursday and Friday, we were completely ad libbing. On Thursday we got completely thrown off because when Jared and Kels walked onto the stage, they knocked one of our precariously perched "palm trees" over. The kids all died laughing (and so did we even tho we were trying to hide it. Jared's yelling "Shiver me timbers!" didn't help.) It completely threw us though and we never really got back on track. We got the main gist of things and made the point of that day's skit but we ended up with Jared and Kate's characters having an Uncle Bernadine. (Don't ask.) Also, I was supposed to have an accent. Tuesday I completely forgot about it b/c we were running so late and were stressed. We got out of the bathroom from changing and I was like "Oh crap, I forgot to do an accent!" Then on Friday I was about halfway thru my first line when I realized I wasn't talking with an accent again and finished my line with the accent. I definitely got some laughs for that one. :-D Apparently we're funnier when we don't follow the corny scripts that the VBS people send us so Kels and I were talking about giving ourselves some general guidelines and just improv-ing our skits next year.
Music was interesting this year. A little bit of drama there, which I hadn't really dealt with in VBS until now. People had been stressed in past years but this was a whole new kinda crazy. Oh well. We got through it and I think the kids had fun, which is what counts.
Every year it's been tradition for two of us to go around on Thursday as Cubby Bear and Sparky the Lightening Bug (from the Awana stuff) and promote that. This year Kels was Sparky and I was Cubby. In the past, someone else was Cubby and I led the two around since it's very difficult to see in those costumes. They involve large heads with mesh over the opening in the mouth to see out of. Kels had a little more visibility in Sparky then I did in Cubby so I mostly followed her around and told her not to let me run into anything or anyone. Because of the angle that Cubby's head was sitting on me, I spent most of the morning staring at Sparky's butt. (Hence my blog title.) It was *hot* in those costumes, let me tell you. I don't know how the people at Disney World do it. We couldn't take our heads off in front of the kids (talk about traumatizing) so that made things interesting. We'd pull our heads up to get a drink or to cool off but the second we thought a kid was coming, back down they came. We had to stay in our costumes for the closing ceremony when we had the staff memebers up on stage dancing with us. I was sooooo scared I was gonna fall off that stage.
We played water games with Jack almost every day for upper elementary recreation. One day we ended up having a food fight. And by we I mean the mature adults of the group. :-D The kids all walked outside to see us smearing cake all over each other. We also made it a point to dump buckets of water all over each other every day and turned the hose on one another. We even made a group effort to get Joy wet on Friday b/c she had managed to stay dry the entire morning. Jack had even chased her around the parking lot with a bucket of water. We ended up having to grab her and hold her while Jack dumped the water on all of us. (But Shelly, Kels and I were already wet so we didn't care.)
We had over 1000 kids during the week. That is a *lot* of small children running around. My little sis even came and loved watching me up there singing and dancing. She and Emma found out the truth about Cubby and Sparky but they're sworn to secrecy. :-)
"It's a big, big house with lots and lots of room. With a big, big table with lots and lots of food. And a big, big yard where we can play football (touchdown!). It's a big, big house. It's my Father's house." :-D
Be-dee-be-dee-be-dee....that's all folks!
Saturday, July 15, 2006
It Takes Courage - A Poem
It takes courage to love
To believe that he's the one
That he won't hurt you
That he won't hit you
That he won't make you undone
It takes courage to love
To push that fear aside
To let yourself be real
To let yourself feel
Show him what's on the inside
It takes courage to love
And not play "what if?"
"What if he's pretending?"
"What if I'm left fending
for myself and maybe kids?"
It takes courage to love
To let yourself open up
Let him see your soul
Let him see you whole
Not just pieces and shards
It takes courage to love
That's something I don't have
"When the time is right"
"Don't put up a fight"
But the truth is, I already am
To believe that he's the one
That he won't hurt you
That he won't hit you
That he won't make you undone
It takes courage to love
To push that fear aside
To let yourself be real
To let yourself feel
Show him what's on the inside
It takes courage to love
And not play "what if?"
"What if he's pretending?"
"What if I'm left fending
for myself and maybe kids?"
It takes courage to love
To let yourself open up
Let him see your soul
Let him see you whole
Not just pieces and shards
It takes courage to love
That's something I don't have
"When the time is right"
"Don't put up a fight"
But the truth is, I already am
Friday, July 14, 2006
Happy Belated Birthday Yeshua!
My baby brother's all grown up and....savin China! ;-) Happy 18th! You can smoke, vote and die for your country. Congratulations.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
Wedding Crazies - Part 3 (Why Hippies Shouldn't Plan Weddings)
Ok, I'm finally sitting down and blogging the third and final chapter in the wedding story.
Saturday morning came waaaaay too early. We had stayed up until almost 2:30 giggling and were supposed to meet the boys for breakfast at their motel at 6:00. We managed to get over there by 6:30, which they gave us a hard time for. Ro and I nibbled at a waffle and an apple, not being particularly hungry but not knowing when the next time we'd get to eat was. In the end I gave up and just threw half of my waffle at Adam. That made Ro and me laugh and I think we both felt slightly better about being up at such an un-Godly hour.
We walked back to our motel, this time with Eli, and started getting ready. Nicole was elected to go first getting her hair done so that Tami and I could shave our legs. We sat on the side of the tub and goofed off while we shaved, then I jumped in the shower to rinse off. My back was hurting and the hot water felt so good, I didn't want to get out. But I knew I needed to get ready so I dragged my bum out and put on my still slightly damp pjs.
Mel and Becky arrived while Jenn and I were doing our make-up. Mel was going to be taking pictures and Jenn wanted pre-wedding shots. Ro finished up with Nicole so it was my turn. Curling my hair seemed to take forever since I wasn't used to having that much of it to curl. I couldn't see myself but everyone kept saying how good it looked and that I should leave it the way it was. When I finally got to a mirror, I gave them all my best "Are you insane?!" look. I'll refer to it as the Lion Mane. ;-) I asked Ro if we could pin some of it back and apologized for being high maintenance. She just gave me a sarcastic "Yeah, you're the high maintenance one here". lol. We pinned back the top and the sides a bit to give it the cascadey look. It was still a lot poofier than I was used to but again, that was due to the amount of hair. Ro then doused me in black woman hair spray and true to her word, it did not move the rest of the day.
Ro started on Jenn's hair and the rest of us starting helping each other into our corsets and dresses. My corset was a little tight but still breathable. Then I slipped my dress on and got it zipped. For a second I thought it wasn't going to fully zip because it was so tight. I kept reminding myself that I had wanted it tight so it wouldn't fall when we danced. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about that.
By this time, housekeeping had started letting us know they wanted us out so they could clean so those of us who were ready started getting things together. Nicole didn't know what to do make-up wise, so Tami, Ro and I all ending up having to help her with eyeliner in between packing. At one point I knelt to put some stuff in Ro's bag and knew I couldn't kneel anymore if I wanted to walk away with no rib damage. Becky helped me carry stuff down to the car and we were all running back and forth, trying to get everything out of there. Then I was standing behind Ro while she did Jenn's hair taking rollers out of her hair and helping her get dressed.
Jenn had wanted her hair in some sort of french twist but then realized that she wasn't comfortable with it. She'd only done it because everyone was telling her to do an up-do but she *never* wears her hair up. After she explained this, we all told her to take it down and do what she was comfortable with. At some point during all this, Pati called wanting one of us to do her hair for her. Jenn gave her a firm no and we hung up. The made the already irate bridesmaids even more angry. To have the nerve to call and ask us to do her hair after what she had done the previous night. This was about the time Ro and I were vowing not to speak to her at all that day. (I know, real Christ-like.)
We got Jenn into her dress, made one final sweep of the room and walked outside, everything packed and all of us dressed and ready. Ro asked me to drive and off we went to Dunn Meadow. We parked and were unloading when one of Jenn's co-workers came over and asked us to pose for a picture. We were all kinda like, "Ok, like we don't have 8 million other things to be doing right now?" but we humored them and smiled, then started hauling stuff across the street.
Everyone was running around trying to get stuff done. We had to set up the table where the unity candle and the marriage license were. We had to figure out how to make the table clothes stay put in the wind. We unloaded box after box of cookies onto the centerpieces and set up the little mini-cake for Jenn and Andy to cut after the ceremony. At some point during this madness, Pati informed Nicole that she hadn't yet picked up the wedding cake and wasn't going to because "so-and-so was supposed to". So Nicole told Ro and they decided that since no one else was going, they'd better go get the cake. They assumed, like any normal person, that the cake would be at the Kroger closest to Dunn Meadow. So they took off, forgetting their cell phones in the process. The rest of us continued running around to get things ready. Pictures were supposed to be taken before the ceremony but because we were running so late, we knew they'd have to be afterwards.
The wedding was supposed to start at 1:00. 20 minutes later, Nicole and Ro arrived with no cake. Crystal who had run to help them went and grabbed Sally and they ran to the car so they could go get the cake. Amid cheers and clapping, Ro and Nicole ran over to where the wedding party was waiting, threw off their shoes and sunglasses and jumped in line while I handed them their flowers and showed them how we were holding them. Apparently Bloomington has 4 Krogers and the cake was at the furthest one away. (Later we found out that they had agreed to get it to the Kroger closest to us but had failed to do so.) The music started and up the path we went. I tried to keep a serene smile on my face even though my blood was boiling. I was absolutely furious with all these people who were messing up Jenn and Andy's day. Ro later said that she had been feeling the same thing. We managed to put it aside for the actual ceremony though. We managed to make it through without too many tears and Andy's paternal vows to Eli went surprisingly smooth. We did our dance, which gained us a laugh from the audience and mocking from Maurice and Shane. It was originally longer!!!!!!!!! Like everything else that day, it didn't go as we had planned.
We sat at our table, did the toasts, Andy and Jenn cut the cake and the bridal party started downing the gallons of water someone provided. We tried to get the power point to work on the tv and ended up having to pass around a laptop to each of the tables. After we got to relax for a little bit while they did the dances, it was time for the pictures that we hadn't had time to take before hand. We got a group shot of the girls and then each girl with Jenn, then Mel took pictures of Jenn and Andy and the wedding rings. The bridesmaids had sat back down and I was eating half of half a sandwhich. (It was all my dress would allow me to eat.) Then Crystal and I decided we needed to go to the bathroom and went with Nicole and Ro to the Coldstone from the night before. When we got back, we got hollared at that we were needed for more pictures so we made our way over to a little bridge on the campus. It was really cute with the trees and the creek.
We *finally* got done with pictures and went back over to the "dance floor". Most of the guests had left by this time, which we felt kinda bad about since we'd barely had time to get mingley. But we had a blast dancing, despite the heat and the tight clothes. It was finally time to break everything down and get home so we started loading up the cars. Ro's car was packed to the brim so when Nicole said she was going with Jenn, we weren't exactly upset. Me especially since I was gonna be the one squashed in the back with everything.
We got in the car and unzipped the tops of our dresses so we could breath. We'd made it around the corner when Nicole called asking if we had Jenn's phone. Realizing we did, we made a circle and I jumped out and ran it over to her. We finally got on the road, started up our venting rant, and I unzipped both our dresses more. Then we decided we wanted the corsets off so I took mine off (breathed my first deep breath since that morning) and then leaned over to get hers, praying no one would drive by as I would very much so be flashing them. No one passed us and we both breathed a huge sigh of relief. We stopped at Jenn's house to drop off the gifts. We had decided on our way back that we were starving so we headed for Arby's where a very nice gentleman helped us in the drive thru and was asking us questions about the wedding. We then went to Ro's house where my car was so we could eat and relax a little before the after party in Jenn and Andy's hotel room. We changed into comfy clothes and sat on the couch to eat while we caught the end of 'Grease'. Neither of us wanted to move but we knew we at least had to make an appearance at the party. Plus I had to get Nicole, Chris and Eli since we were supposed to be staying the night with him.
Crystal called and told us to stop at Maurice's and bring whatever alcohol was there. I needed to stop for gas so I stopped at a station and Ro ran to Maurice's. She then met me at the station and I followed her to the hotel which was by the airport. We went up to find maybe 15 people crammed into a fairly small room. Maurice had already had something to drink, so he was in a goofy mood that Ro and I found plain annoying. ;-) They had ordered pizza and Tami and I went downstairs to get it. We struck poses in the elevator, hoping the doors would open but no one was there when they did.
The after party was fun but we were all so tired. I was so exhausted and ready to be away from people so I told Nicole that I'd drive them back to her car (which was still at my house) and then they could drive to Jenn's. I just couldn't do it. The Broaddus', Nicole, Chris and I called it a night at 10:30, also thinking to give the newly married couple some privacy! (Call me crazy!) We went downstairs to find Pati who still had Eli's car seat and went out to switch it to my car. I had yet to really say two words to the woman. Nicole, nice person that she is, gave her a hug before we parted ways. I drove us to my house, then dragged myself inside where I eventually collapsed.
So there it is. The insane wedding day. I'm not holding my breath that Ro's is gonna be any better (and neither is she) but at least now we have some idea of how to cope and what to expect. But the important thing is that Jenn and Andy are married and they can finally begin their life together with Eli. Congratulations you guys! Despite it's rocky start, I know your marriage is going to be full of blessings and tons of fun. :-) Love you both!
Saturday morning came waaaaay too early. We had stayed up until almost 2:30 giggling and were supposed to meet the boys for breakfast at their motel at 6:00. We managed to get over there by 6:30, which they gave us a hard time for. Ro and I nibbled at a waffle and an apple, not being particularly hungry but not knowing when the next time we'd get to eat was. In the end I gave up and just threw half of my waffle at Adam. That made Ro and me laugh and I think we both felt slightly better about being up at such an un-Godly hour.
We walked back to our motel, this time with Eli, and started getting ready. Nicole was elected to go first getting her hair done so that Tami and I could shave our legs. We sat on the side of the tub and goofed off while we shaved, then I jumped in the shower to rinse off. My back was hurting and the hot water felt so good, I didn't want to get out. But I knew I needed to get ready so I dragged my bum out and put on my still slightly damp pjs.
Mel and Becky arrived while Jenn and I were doing our make-up. Mel was going to be taking pictures and Jenn wanted pre-wedding shots. Ro finished up with Nicole so it was my turn. Curling my hair seemed to take forever since I wasn't used to having that much of it to curl. I couldn't see myself but everyone kept saying how good it looked and that I should leave it the way it was. When I finally got to a mirror, I gave them all my best "Are you insane?!" look. I'll refer to it as the Lion Mane. ;-) I asked Ro if we could pin some of it back and apologized for being high maintenance. She just gave me a sarcastic "Yeah, you're the high maintenance one here". lol. We pinned back the top and the sides a bit to give it the cascadey look. It was still a lot poofier than I was used to but again, that was due to the amount of hair. Ro then doused me in black woman hair spray and true to her word, it did not move the rest of the day.
Ro started on Jenn's hair and the rest of us starting helping each other into our corsets and dresses. My corset was a little tight but still breathable. Then I slipped my dress on and got it zipped. For a second I thought it wasn't going to fully zip because it was so tight. I kept reminding myself that I had wanted it tight so it wouldn't fall when we danced. I knew I wouldn't have to worry about that.
By this time, housekeeping had started letting us know they wanted us out so they could clean so those of us who were ready started getting things together. Nicole didn't know what to do make-up wise, so Tami, Ro and I all ending up having to help her with eyeliner in between packing. At one point I knelt to put some stuff in Ro's bag and knew I couldn't kneel anymore if I wanted to walk away with no rib damage. Becky helped me carry stuff down to the car and we were all running back and forth, trying to get everything out of there. Then I was standing behind Ro while she did Jenn's hair taking rollers out of her hair and helping her get dressed.
Jenn had wanted her hair in some sort of french twist but then realized that she wasn't comfortable with it. She'd only done it because everyone was telling her to do an up-do but she *never* wears her hair up. After she explained this, we all told her to take it down and do what she was comfortable with. At some point during all this, Pati called wanting one of us to do her hair for her. Jenn gave her a firm no and we hung up. The made the already irate bridesmaids even more angry. To have the nerve to call and ask us to do her hair after what she had done the previous night. This was about the time Ro and I were vowing not to speak to her at all that day. (I know, real Christ-like.)
We got Jenn into her dress, made one final sweep of the room and walked outside, everything packed and all of us dressed and ready. Ro asked me to drive and off we went to Dunn Meadow. We parked and were unloading when one of Jenn's co-workers came over and asked us to pose for a picture. We were all kinda like, "Ok, like we don't have 8 million other things to be doing right now?" but we humored them and smiled, then started hauling stuff across the street.
Everyone was running around trying to get stuff done. We had to set up the table where the unity candle and the marriage license were. We had to figure out how to make the table clothes stay put in the wind. We unloaded box after box of cookies onto the centerpieces and set up the little mini-cake for Jenn and Andy to cut after the ceremony. At some point during this madness, Pati informed Nicole that she hadn't yet picked up the wedding cake and wasn't going to because "so-and-so was supposed to". So Nicole told Ro and they decided that since no one else was going, they'd better go get the cake. They assumed, like any normal person, that the cake would be at the Kroger closest to Dunn Meadow. So they took off, forgetting their cell phones in the process. The rest of us continued running around to get things ready. Pictures were supposed to be taken before the ceremony but because we were running so late, we knew they'd have to be afterwards.
The wedding was supposed to start at 1:00. 20 minutes later, Nicole and Ro arrived with no cake. Crystal who had run to help them went and grabbed Sally and they ran to the car so they could go get the cake. Amid cheers and clapping, Ro and Nicole ran over to where the wedding party was waiting, threw off their shoes and sunglasses and jumped in line while I handed them their flowers and showed them how we were holding them. Apparently Bloomington has 4 Krogers and the cake was at the furthest one away. (Later we found out that they had agreed to get it to the Kroger closest to us but had failed to do so.) The music started and up the path we went. I tried to keep a serene smile on my face even though my blood was boiling. I was absolutely furious with all these people who were messing up Jenn and Andy's day. Ro later said that she had been feeling the same thing. We managed to put it aside for the actual ceremony though. We managed to make it through without too many tears and Andy's paternal vows to Eli went surprisingly smooth. We did our dance, which gained us a laugh from the audience and mocking from Maurice and Shane. It was originally longer!!!!!!!!! Like everything else that day, it didn't go as we had planned.
We sat at our table, did the toasts, Andy and Jenn cut the cake and the bridal party started downing the gallons of water someone provided. We tried to get the power point to work on the tv and ended up having to pass around a laptop to each of the tables. After we got to relax for a little bit while they did the dances, it was time for the pictures that we hadn't had time to take before hand. We got a group shot of the girls and then each girl with Jenn, then Mel took pictures of Jenn and Andy and the wedding rings. The bridesmaids had sat back down and I was eating half of half a sandwhich. (It was all my dress would allow me to eat.) Then Crystal and I decided we needed to go to the bathroom and went with Nicole and Ro to the Coldstone from the night before. When we got back, we got hollared at that we were needed for more pictures so we made our way over to a little bridge on the campus. It was really cute with the trees and the creek.
We *finally* got done with pictures and went back over to the "dance floor". Most of the guests had left by this time, which we felt kinda bad about since we'd barely had time to get mingley. But we had a blast dancing, despite the heat and the tight clothes. It was finally time to break everything down and get home so we started loading up the cars. Ro's car was packed to the brim so when Nicole said she was going with Jenn, we weren't exactly upset. Me especially since I was gonna be the one squashed in the back with everything.
We got in the car and unzipped the tops of our dresses so we could breath. We'd made it around the corner when Nicole called asking if we had Jenn's phone. Realizing we did, we made a circle and I jumped out and ran it over to her. We finally got on the road, started up our venting rant, and I unzipped both our dresses more. Then we decided we wanted the corsets off so I took mine off (breathed my first deep breath since that morning) and then leaned over to get hers, praying no one would drive by as I would very much so be flashing them. No one passed us and we both breathed a huge sigh of relief. We stopped at Jenn's house to drop off the gifts. We had decided on our way back that we were starving so we headed for Arby's where a very nice gentleman helped us in the drive thru and was asking us questions about the wedding. We then went to Ro's house where my car was so we could eat and relax a little before the after party in Jenn and Andy's hotel room. We changed into comfy clothes and sat on the couch to eat while we caught the end of 'Grease'. Neither of us wanted to move but we knew we at least had to make an appearance at the party. Plus I had to get Nicole, Chris and Eli since we were supposed to be staying the night with him.
Crystal called and told us to stop at Maurice's and bring whatever alcohol was there. I needed to stop for gas so I stopped at a station and Ro ran to Maurice's. She then met me at the station and I followed her to the hotel which was by the airport. We went up to find maybe 15 people crammed into a fairly small room. Maurice had already had something to drink, so he was in a goofy mood that Ro and I found plain annoying. ;-) They had ordered pizza and Tami and I went downstairs to get it. We struck poses in the elevator, hoping the doors would open but no one was there when they did.
The after party was fun but we were all so tired. I was so exhausted and ready to be away from people so I told Nicole that I'd drive them back to her car (which was still at my house) and then they could drive to Jenn's. I just couldn't do it. The Broaddus', Nicole, Chris and I called it a night at 10:30, also thinking to give the newly married couple some privacy! (Call me crazy!) We went downstairs to find Pati who still had Eli's car seat and went out to switch it to my car. I had yet to really say two words to the woman. Nicole, nice person that she is, gave her a hug before we parted ways. I drove us to my house, then dragged myself inside where I eventually collapsed.
So there it is. The insane wedding day. I'm not holding my breath that Ro's is gonna be any better (and neither is she) but at least now we have some idea of how to cope and what to expect. But the important thing is that Jenn and Andy are married and they can finally begin their life together with Eli. Congratulations you guys! Despite it's rocky start, I know your marriage is going to be full of blessings and tons of fun. :-) Love you both!
Monday, July 03, 2006
Jazz Hands!!!!!
I've Got A Theory
Now I've done it. Bad YouTube!
I'll Never Tell
I'm getting married just so I can play this at my wedding! :-D
I'm Under Your Spell
Aw!
Sweet's Song
I so want to dance to this!
Walk Through the Fire
"Now look perturbed at the camera!"
Ok, I'm done. :-D
Now I've done it. Bad YouTube!
I'll Never Tell
I'm getting married just so I can play this at my wedding! :-D
I'm Under Your Spell
Aw!
Sweet's Song
I so want to dance to this!
Walk Through the Fire
"Now look perturbed at the camera!"
Ok, I'm done. :-D
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Superman Returns
On the whole, Superman Returns was not a great movie. Kevin Spacey was the wrong choice to play Lex Luthor and the scenes showing Superman made him look like a computer graphic instead of a live human being. The fan's ready-made love for Superman is what carries the movie and keeps it from being a flop. Even then, someone like myself who is unfamiliar with the comics and the original movies can find themselves a bit lost.
The movie picks up 5 years after Superman has left Earth. (The reason for which we are barely given.) A meteorite crashes into the Kent's backyard and Martha Kent (Superman's adoptive mother) drives out to have a look, where she finds her son. This is where the parallels between Superman and The Passion of the Christ begin. The way Martha craddles his seemingly lifeless body is reminiscent of the way Jesus' mother craddled Him after He was brought down from the cross.
That place was a graveyard.....I'm all that's left. - Superman/Clark
And even if you are the last, you're not alone. - Martha
Superman/Clark Kent spends the next couple of days trying to fit back into life on Earth, mainly at his job at the Daily Planet. He returns, hoping that all will be as it was when he left, only to find some drastic changes. Lois Lane, the woman he loves, is engaged and has a son. She has also written (we later find out a bitterness driven) article on 'Why the World Doesn't Need Superman'.
He finds himself unsure of where he stands in the world. They apparently got along fine without him for five years and many seem to think they no longer need a hero. It is only when Lois is put into danger that he realizes that, whether or not they think they do, people need a savior. All he has to do is tune in his hearing and he can hear the cries for help from all over the world.
You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one. - Superman
So often humans believe that they can save themselves. This very attitude is what Jesus ran into when He walked the earth. The religious leaders of His day had conditioned everyone into believing that if they were just good enough and righteous enough, they would be fine. What they didn't see is the evil in the world that we can't battle alone.
Even though you've been raised as a human being you're not one of them. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son. - Jor-El
As I watched the scene where Superman, weakened by Kryptonite, is being kicked around and beat up, scenes from the flogging in The Passion flashed through my mind. In saving the world, he was being put through an agony that he alone could bear. Lois served as his Mary Magdelene, helping him in the ways that she could, but ultimately it was his sacrifice.
We say that we don't need a savior but when our life starts to spin out of control, why do we look to the sky in hopes of Someone coming to our rescue? Because deep down we know that we aren't meant to go through this life alone. Humans can be great only when they see that their potential for greatness comes from a much greater source. It is not our light that should shine. It's His light shining through us.
The movie picks up 5 years after Superman has left Earth. (The reason for which we are barely given.) A meteorite crashes into the Kent's backyard and Martha Kent (Superman's adoptive mother) drives out to have a look, where she finds her son. This is where the parallels between Superman and The Passion of the Christ begin. The way Martha craddles his seemingly lifeless body is reminiscent of the way Jesus' mother craddled Him after He was brought down from the cross.
That place was a graveyard.....I'm all that's left. - Superman/Clark
And even if you are the last, you're not alone. - Martha
Superman/Clark Kent spends the next couple of days trying to fit back into life on Earth, mainly at his job at the Daily Planet. He returns, hoping that all will be as it was when he left, only to find some drastic changes. Lois Lane, the woman he loves, is engaged and has a son. She has also written (we later find out a bitterness driven) article on 'Why the World Doesn't Need Superman'.
He finds himself unsure of where he stands in the world. They apparently got along fine without him for five years and many seem to think they no longer need a hero. It is only when Lois is put into danger that he realizes that, whether or not they think they do, people need a savior. All he has to do is tune in his hearing and he can hear the cries for help from all over the world.
You wrote that the world doesn't need a savior, but every day I hear people crying for one. - Superman
So often humans believe that they can save themselves. This very attitude is what Jesus ran into when He walked the earth. The religious leaders of His day had conditioned everyone into believing that if they were just good enough and righteous enough, they would be fine. What they didn't see is the evil in the world that we can't battle alone.
Even though you've been raised as a human being you're not one of them. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you... my only son. - Jor-El
As I watched the scene where Superman, weakened by Kryptonite, is being kicked around and beat up, scenes from the flogging in The Passion flashed through my mind. In saving the world, he was being put through an agony that he alone could bear. Lois served as his Mary Magdelene, helping him in the ways that she could, but ultimately it was his sacrifice.
We say that we don't need a savior but when our life starts to spin out of control, why do we look to the sky in hopes of Someone coming to our rescue? Because deep down we know that we aren't meant to go through this life alone. Humans can be great only when they see that their potential for greatness comes from a much greater source. It is not our light that should shine. It's His light shining through us.
"And I Think I'm Kinda Gay....."
Ok, now that I have your attention. ;-)
(For the record: no, I'm not a lesbian.)
The issue of homosexuality is something that I have found myself struggling with the past year. Not whether or not I am but how I as a Christian should view it and whether or not it's a sin and if so, how it should be dealt with.
When I was in high school, I remember sitting in my Spanish class one day and this topic coming up. I think there was some big thing going on in the news at the time. (The Gay Pride parade at Disney maybe?) I don't think we just randomly brought it up while conjugating verbs. (Because, you know, being completely random is so unlike me.) However we got on it, it quickly got down to a heated debate between my friend Rebekah and one of the other boys in the class. All I really remember is him stating that he hated gay people and Rebekah wigging out about it. I just sat in amazement as these two went back and forth, for once not jumping in and running my mouth. Mostly this was because I had no idea what to think. I had always been taught that homosexuality was wrong, a sin, gross, etc. But, to my knowledge, I had never met someone who was gay. And while I didn't think that hating them was right, I didn't know where to draw the line. Love the sinner, hate the sin? Didn't God supposedly wipe out Sodom and Gomorrah because of that sin? I didn't know what to think so I just let Rebekah rant.
Now I find myself in a completely different situation. I learned more about the issue in my GNED class at Liberty and at the Worldview Academy, listened to Jerry Falwell start every sermon with "One man with one woman for one lifetime" and I have people in my life who are openly gay. People who are kind and fun to be around. They aren't the sick, sex-obsessed creeps that I was (directly or indirectly) taught to think they were. And when you hear some of their stories, you can even see why some of them chose to live out this lifestyle. As a woman who has seen her fair share of abuse by men, I can see how women would find comfort in other women. The same for men. So I found myself wondering, "Is this really a sin? Can something that brings these people happiness really be wrong?"
(Please bear with me here. I'm still trying to work through my thoughts so I may say something that I don't fully mean or have a grasp on yet.)
We got into a discussion on the message board about homosexuality. One of my friends biggest hangups is that God would curse people with this tendency, then throw them into Hell for it later. (Thoughts on Hell for another blog.) But the thing is, it's no different from any other sin. Yes, I believe that it is a sin. I do *not*, however, believe that it is the sin unto death or that it's the worse one of it all. I believe that the Church has demonized this sin and the people who practice it. I think that sex scares us because so much mystery surrounds it and because it is a powerful thing. So we view sexual sin as 10 times worse then any other sin. We preach against it more than any other sin hoping to steer people from it so that we don't have to deal with it. And the people who do fall in this area are ostracized for fear of it "rubbing off on us" or "influencing our thinking". But this line of thinking is what leads to people like my classmate saying that he hated gays.
I believe that sin is sin. Yes, it's a horrible thing and should not be taken lightly but I don't believe that God views some sins as worse than others. (Before someone throws in that verse about sexual sin being worse because it is sin against our own bodies, I don't think that Paul is saying that God sees it as worse. The repercussions that it has on us are worse but the sin itself is right there with pride and lying and greed.) The big argument for homosexuality right now is that people are born with it. To which I say, "Sure. Just like any other sin." I am born with a tendancy toward pride. I am born with a tendancy toward lying. I am born with a tendancy toward greed and selfishness and hate and lust and gluttony. It's a matter of which of these things I find my greatest struggle in. For me, pride is a huge one. For someone else, it's eating too much. For someone else, it's being greedy with what they have been blessed with. For someone else, it is homosexuality.
I said earlier that I can see why some people turn toward the same sex. Life is hard and it isn't what it should be. If the world was perfect, we wouldn't have death and hate and poverty and abuse and all the things that can make people turn toward things that aren't good for them. There are days when, instead of continuing the fight, I'd prefer just to curl up in a ball and drink my life away. There are days when, instead of loving my neighbor, I'd prefer to run them over with my car. There are days when, instead of helping the person who needs money, I'd prefer to keep all my money and things to myself. Some days I win the battle and some days I don't. (Forget days, some moments!) But it's a matter of struggle. I am *very* careful to say who I think is "in" or "out". But if I see someone who claims to be a Christian but is the most prideful person I've ever met, and I see no hint of remorse or wanting to change, I have a hard time believing that they are truly a follower of Christ. But, I could be wrong. The same with a person who claims to be a Christian but is also actively living out a homosexual lifestyle. (Sorry, I hate the word "lifestyle" but I don't know what else to call it at the moment.) But I always know that there are things that I don't see. I don't know a persons heart and my way of struggling isn't going to look like someone elses. Some people struggle openly and others privately. So it's ultimately not up to me to say if they are truly a follower of Christ. What it is up to me to do is love them, regardless of the way they live their life. Jesus didn't come to condemn the world. He came to love it. And that's what He called His followers to as well. I sit in no place to judge. Only to love.
"Live as if the world was as it should be to show it what it can be."
(For the record: no, I'm not a lesbian.)
The issue of homosexuality is something that I have found myself struggling with the past year. Not whether or not I am but how I as a Christian should view it and whether or not it's a sin and if so, how it should be dealt with.
When I was in high school, I remember sitting in my Spanish class one day and this topic coming up. I think there was some big thing going on in the news at the time. (The Gay Pride parade at Disney maybe?) I don't think we just randomly brought it up while conjugating verbs. (Because, you know, being completely random is so unlike me.) However we got on it, it quickly got down to a heated debate between my friend Rebekah and one of the other boys in the class. All I really remember is him stating that he hated gay people and Rebekah wigging out about it. I just sat in amazement as these two went back and forth, for once not jumping in and running my mouth. Mostly this was because I had no idea what to think. I had always been taught that homosexuality was wrong, a sin, gross, etc. But, to my knowledge, I had never met someone who was gay. And while I didn't think that hating them was right, I didn't know where to draw the line. Love the sinner, hate the sin? Didn't God supposedly wipe out Sodom and Gomorrah because of that sin? I didn't know what to think so I just let Rebekah rant.
Now I find myself in a completely different situation. I learned more about the issue in my GNED class at Liberty and at the Worldview Academy, listened to Jerry Falwell start every sermon with "One man with one woman for one lifetime" and I have people in my life who are openly gay. People who are kind and fun to be around. They aren't the sick, sex-obsessed creeps that I was (directly or indirectly) taught to think they were. And when you hear some of their stories, you can even see why some of them chose to live out this lifestyle. As a woman who has seen her fair share of abuse by men, I can see how women would find comfort in other women. The same for men. So I found myself wondering, "Is this really a sin? Can something that brings these people happiness really be wrong?"
(Please bear with me here. I'm still trying to work through my thoughts so I may say something that I don't fully mean or have a grasp on yet.)
We got into a discussion on the message board about homosexuality. One of my friends biggest hangups is that God would curse people with this tendency, then throw them into Hell for it later. (Thoughts on Hell for another blog.) But the thing is, it's no different from any other sin. Yes, I believe that it is a sin. I do *not*, however, believe that it is the sin unto death or that it's the worse one of it all. I believe that the Church has demonized this sin and the people who practice it. I think that sex scares us because so much mystery surrounds it and because it is a powerful thing. So we view sexual sin as 10 times worse then any other sin. We preach against it more than any other sin hoping to steer people from it so that we don't have to deal with it. And the people who do fall in this area are ostracized for fear of it "rubbing off on us" or "influencing our thinking". But this line of thinking is what leads to people like my classmate saying that he hated gays.
I believe that sin is sin. Yes, it's a horrible thing and should not be taken lightly but I don't believe that God views some sins as worse than others. (Before someone throws in that verse about sexual sin being worse because it is sin against our own bodies, I don't think that Paul is saying that God sees it as worse. The repercussions that it has on us are worse but the sin itself is right there with pride and lying and greed.) The big argument for homosexuality right now is that people are born with it. To which I say, "Sure. Just like any other sin." I am born with a tendancy toward pride. I am born with a tendancy toward lying. I am born with a tendancy toward greed and selfishness and hate and lust and gluttony. It's a matter of which of these things I find my greatest struggle in. For me, pride is a huge one. For someone else, it's eating too much. For someone else, it's being greedy with what they have been blessed with. For someone else, it is homosexuality.
I said earlier that I can see why some people turn toward the same sex. Life is hard and it isn't what it should be. If the world was perfect, we wouldn't have death and hate and poverty and abuse and all the things that can make people turn toward things that aren't good for them. There are days when, instead of continuing the fight, I'd prefer just to curl up in a ball and drink my life away. There are days when, instead of loving my neighbor, I'd prefer to run them over with my car. There are days when, instead of helping the person who needs money, I'd prefer to keep all my money and things to myself. Some days I win the battle and some days I don't. (Forget days, some moments!) But it's a matter of struggle. I am *very* careful to say who I think is "in" or "out". But if I see someone who claims to be a Christian but is the most prideful person I've ever met, and I see no hint of remorse or wanting to change, I have a hard time believing that they are truly a follower of Christ. But, I could be wrong. The same with a person who claims to be a Christian but is also actively living out a homosexual lifestyle. (Sorry, I hate the word "lifestyle" but I don't know what else to call it at the moment.) But I always know that there are things that I don't see. I don't know a persons heart and my way of struggling isn't going to look like someone elses. Some people struggle openly and others privately. So it's ultimately not up to me to say if they are truly a follower of Christ. What it is up to me to do is love them, regardless of the way they live their life. Jesus didn't come to condemn the world. He came to love it. And that's what He called His followers to as well. I sit in no place to judge. Only to love.
"Live as if the world was as it should be to show it what it can be."
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