I just finished reading 'He's Just Not That Into You'. I found it a couple of years ago and it's been on my to-read list ever since. Very funny, very easy read. I think all women should have to read this book.
At the end of the book, the authors give Standard Suggestions. They are:
* I will not go out with a man who hasn't asked me out first.
* I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
* I will not date a man who isn't sure he wants to date me.
* I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
* I will not date a man who drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
* I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future.
* I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
* I will not date a man who is married.
* I will not be with a man who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person.
You want to know why I'm still single? Because I have yet to find a man who meets those standards. I "hate" men because so few manage to live up to even a decent guy level. And that list isn't even all of mine. Here are some of my personal standards:
* I will not date a man who shows no growth in his spiritual walk or has none at all.
* I will not date a man who makes me look/feel like an idiot in front of my friends or family.
* I will not date a man who only wants me for my body.
* I will not even speak to a man who doesn't know how to treat me and every other woman with respect.
* I will not date a man who doesn't treat his momma right.
* I will not date a man who has no purpose in life, gives nothing of himself to others, can't hold down a job, doesn't have friends of his own, and simply doesn't have his act together.
* I will not date a man who claims not to have money and then blows tons of it on alcohol or new toys.
* I will not date a man who isn't willing to love and build a relationship with my family and friends.
* I will not date a man who gives into violent fits or has a nasty temper.
* I will kick the ass of any man who tries to force himself on me.
* I will not date a man who is inconsiderate.
* I will not date a man who is needy and clingy and doesn't know how to give me space.
* I will not date a man who makes excuses for poor behavior and choices.
* I will not date a man who blames everyone else for his problems.
* I will definitely not change my mind and date a man who, if he asks me out and I reject him, decides to be a jerk and torment me or calls me a lesbian.
Now, you tell me. Am I unreasonable? Are my standards too high? Do you think I'm full of myself? Or do I simply realize that I am a beautiful, unique, beloved child of God who deserves to be treated as such?
Women, we deserve to be loved. We deserve to feel like a queen. Don't lower your standards. Don't waste your time on men who obviously aren't worth it. You are worth the wait. Men, you deserve to be loved too. Don't lower your standards either. Work on becoming the type of person you want to be married to and you will have no trouble attracting them.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Well those sound like good standards to me.
However your last statement to the men "Work on becoming the type of person you want to be married to and you will have no trouble attracting them." what you do need to remember is that most men date to date, they don't think about the whole commitment part of things (well that is until they are a bit older) it's us darn women that want the whole commitment thing.
But still I always thought if the guy wasn't good marriage matterial then they are not good dating material... but that's me being a girl again.
You are not being unreasonable, and you are right they are hard to find. You are a beautiful, unique, beloved child of God who deserves to be treated as such, and don't you forget that!!!!
I dunno... I think a lot of men think about the commitment part of things, they're just scared to death of it. ;)
Which is why it struck me that, while I LOVED the rest of the list (especially your points), I did find one to be a little unfair:
"I will not be with a man who is afraid to talk about our future."
Now, I have yet to MEET a man who isn't afraid to talk about his future with his s/o. HOWEVER, I would PERSONALLY modify that point to say "I won't date a man who is so afraid to talk about our future that he REFUSES to." Because I also know a lot of guys who will talk about the future anyway, even if it scares them.
Just my $.02. =D
While your description of a suitable partner is perfectly acceptable (it's your choice), I want to point out something from an article you quoted recently, referring to one of the challenges for nice guys when it comes to attracting independent women: "she rates us to death on a ruthless scale--every man she knows is on this rating scale, and if you're not an 8.5 or above, you are nothing." Sounds like it's vaguely similar to the idea of having a comprehensive standards list.
Though your standards aren't unrealistic, I like it better when you say you would need a guy with no major character flaws and who adheres to your basic compatibility ideals.
It depends on how you apply it, I guess. But I can see it being dangerous to skew the discovery process of a person by bouncing everything they say off of a list.
As you probably know, sometimes walls are put up to "protect" one another, and they might mask who a person really is. While I think it's important to be authentic all the time, it's just not the case for some (it's counter to cultural standards, I think), and I think it takes an effort at acceptance that might supercede a standards list temporarily, to get to the core of who somebody is.
Post a Comment