Recently I wrote a blog on being single. I still intend to write more on that topic but for now, I'm focusing on marriage. Why is this seen as such a prize? Why does the modern Evangelical church hold it up as some goal to be attained? From all I've seen, marriage is a pain in the butt. More than ever, I truly believe Paul when he said it is better to be single. Yeah, there are some sucky things about being single but I'm good with those things. I've dealt with them for 23 years and it hasn't killed me yet. But sometimes I think that being married might.
Some friends of mine got married a couple of years ago and for their wedding present, I gave them a plaque which said "Marriage is finding the one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." No. Joke. I have watched couples bicker over the stupidest things and thought "Why am I supposed to want this again?" And kids just make it worse.
Yes, I know that marriage is supposed to be about self-sacrifice. I know that it's supposed to stretch you and help you grow. I know that it's supposed to teach you not to be selfish. I know that kids are great. And I know that there are truly happy couples out there. Not without their problems but mostly happy. But why does that mean I have to want that? Why is it not okay for me to want to be single? Why does that get me labeled a lesbian or scared or full of myself?
I don't want to argue with someone over bills or decorating or how to raise kids or when I can go out with my friends or who my friends are or what ministries I can devote time to or any of it. There are plenty of ways for me to learn patience or selflessness or how to grow without me being married. I know marriage is like the boot camp for that but you don't have to be married to learn those things. I learn those things every day in dealing with the people I work with, my friends, other drivers, people on the internet, etc.
People seem to get so caught up in the romance of a relationship and they forget that there can be some very hard times. There is more than just the wedding day. One the dress is stuck in the back of the closet and the cake is in the freezer, life has to keep going for that couple. And that means bills and jobs and sickness and sometimes school. I know how to handle these things on my own. And I know where to turn for help when I need it. I do not need a husband to complete me, fight with me, tell me I don't do the dishes the correct way, any of it.
Maybe one day I'll change my mind. But for now, I have absolutely no intentions of getting married. Because it doesn't look like a good time to me. It looks like heartache and work and I've got enough on my plate right now.
P.S. Please don't leave any "Oh, marriage isn't that bad, you learn to live with each other, you just have to find the right one, blah, blah, blah" comments. Because I've heard them all and they won't change my mind and if you post it, I'll delete it.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
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4 comments:
nope. better to stay single than to want to be married so badly that it IS nothing more than finding someone to annoy you for the rest of your life.
sure, love is difficult sometimes, but if it makes you miserable, then something is fucked up somewhere.
Dang, cynical much? :)
"Oh, marriage isn't that bad, blah blah...." haha, just kidding. I don't know, I haven't been married.
Personally I'd just like to find someone to love and live the rest of my life with. Nothing more, nothing less.
I will be absolutely honest with you, life is easier being single. There's something to be said for having someone there but there's also something to be said for not having any attachments. If you're single and happy...stay that way. No need to screw it up with a relationship.
Yes, there are pros and cons to both for sure. But as a single person, I have to defend marriage a little. :)
You are SO right in saying that people seem to think it is the "end all". And it is not, that for sure. But it is something God created, from the beginning. And yeah it's hard, but it is because you are forced to some degree to be less selfish and THAT is what cuts us deep.
I have heard a saying..."if you want to serve Christ stay single, if you want to become like Christ, get married"
God has different purposes for everyone and being married or single is not better than each other. You have to be obedient to what God calls YOU. God calls different people to different things and we can't go comparing notes, b/c that gets us no where.
You may want to stay single, but other days want to get married. The hope is that God has it all planned out for you and whatever His purposes are and IF you chose to follow His leading, that is the best possible place you can be and you will have hard days no matter the road you travel.
This may not be true for you, but for me, on the days I find myself not wanting to be married, usually it's b/c A. I am scared to be that vulnerable with a person or B. I don't have any hope of someone loving me so instead of dealing with that it's easier to act like it's my choice that i am where I am today.
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